Sunday, October 09, 2005

Mr. Sparkles Bear

There is this very cute kindergartener at work. She's about the smallest thing that you have ever seen with really large blue eyes. She's a very dreamy child and I think that she's got a lot going on internally that she doesn't share with the world.

The other day she was carrying around a little teddy bear. I had noticed that it had accompanied her everywhere for a couple of days. It's yellow and the fur is sparkly and it's been well used. This was our conversation:

Me: "Well how is Mr. Sparkles bear doing today?"

She cups the bear in her hands and looks down at it tenderly.

Her: "She's my only hope," a large pause as she looks into the distance, "for the final battle." And walks away.

Do you think her parents are LOTR fans?

On another front I am having a personality conflict with the person I am teaching kung fu with right now. We've hung out for extended periods of time and had some really great moments together so I know that he's a really nice guy. But he seems to think that everything I say is wrong. I don't get it. Especially since it's over small wierd things. And when we talk about our disagreements, I always come out of the conversation feeling smushed.

In fact, I left early today because I had to go cry after one of these conversations. Now I just keep thinking about what was said and I still don't understand. I just know that since I feel so low it couldn't have been an equitable conversation. Afterall, hashing things out is supposed to make you feel better, right?

I really feel like since I am 30 years old I shouldn't be fighting with my friends anymore. It feels childish, but so do some of my alternatives. I could censor myself when I am around this person and just agree, but I feel like that's a copout. Also, if I just agree with things that said person says, it could be perceived as being snarky. Sometimes I get irritated with people. Everybody does. I am just not good at hiding it. Ack. I still want to cry.

My mom makes sensational silver jewelery. She knits and I told her that she should try making some stitch markers. These are her first ones. Aren't they cute. I can't wait to use them on something.


Roxanne said...

Ugh, people and how mean they can be! I say if they are making you feel bad, they aren't worth hanging around...some people just know how to suck the living life right out of you with their negativity. It's not worth it.

Aprilynne said...

There are some people, and the numbers seem to be increasing, that simply are unable to take any responsibility for having ever made a mistake, or done something to hurt another. I've learned that people who either won't or can't say to you, "I'm sorry I hurt you, I was wrong," aren't the sorts of people that make good friends. Amaziningly some of these very people can seem to very charismatic, and intelligent wonderful people esp with 1st impressions. Then eventually the relationship turns abusive - and abusive is EXACTLY what it is. No one is right all the time, and it's just not statistically possible for all the problems in a relationship to lie on one person, either. (do I sound like I have experience in this? I DO!) If someone doesn't care about YOUR feelings, there's no point in valuing their opinions in anything.

Momo said...

Thanks, April and Roxanne. My head was is such a bad place yesterday. I'm glad to say that today we had emails which made me feel a lot better and balanced the way I feel about our relationship.

Thanks again!