You know I was just thinking the other day about how happy I am. Really, my life is about 3000 times better without my Ex-Faux-SO in it. There's no one there constantantly picking on me, putting me down, stressing me out, ignoring me or any of that crap. I've stopped being afraid. I'm so much more relaxed. I enjoy everything more fully. And I can feel the pleasure of it down into my toes. It's an awakening happening in my mind and spirit and body.
(Ever read The Awakening by Kate Chopin?)
Of course my new, carefree life has also brought me some other problems, but for the most part I have been sailing along and experiencing things as they happen. And doing a good job getting over the rough patches I think. Sometimes I do get a little lonely, but being a little lonely is an order of magnitude better than being miserable, right? And plus, most of the time I feel pretty happy.
But I am not sure that just sailing along is good enough. I think I need to find out what is it that I really want. I could never figure this out before, I think mostly because I was under the influence of my ex and he really kept me in a state of confusion and smallness. I didn't really know what happiness was with him. I had to shutdown and contain everything to peacefully exist.
But, you know, I can feel it all now. And I feel like this is what I should be focusing on: Keeping and increasing the happiness in my life.