Thursday, August 03, 2006


You know I was just thinking the other day about how happy I am. Really, my life is about 3000 times better without my Ex-Faux-SO in it. There's no one there constantantly picking on me, putting me down, stressing me out, ignoring me or any of that crap. I've stopped being afraid. I'm so much more relaxed. I enjoy everything more fully. And I can feel the pleasure of it down into my toes. It's an awakening happening in my mind and spirit and body.

(Ever read The Awakening by Kate Chopin?)

Of course my new, carefree life has also brought me some other problems, but for the most part I have been sailing along and experiencing things as they happen. And doing a good job getting over the rough patches I think. Sometimes I do get a little lonely, but being a little lonely is an order of magnitude better than being miserable, right? And plus, most of the time I feel pretty happy.

But I am not sure that just sailing along is good enough. I think I need to find out what is it that I really want. I could never figure this out before, I think mostly because I was under the influence of my ex and he really kept me in a state of confusion and smallness. I didn't really know what happiness was with him. I had to shutdown and contain everything to peacefully exist.

But, you know, I can feel it all now. And I feel like this is what I should be focusing on: Keeping and increasing the happiness in my life.


AR said...

Yeah, keep and increase the happiness. Good for you. Being lonely sometimes is a good trade off for being miserable most of the time!!

Cayli said...

Miriam, I am so glad to hear things are going well. YOUR happiness is most important and keeping and increasing it is great.

Teyani said...

YES! being lonely can be hard, but it's even worse when you're lonely while you are with someone...

gorgeous lining of the purse - how'd you do that? :-)

Momo said...

Thanks Ar, Cayli, and Teyani!

Teyani - I'm not sure how it happened! I'm terrible at sewing :-\

JessaLu said...

Glad to hear you're happy :o)

The loneliness is just a bump in the road of this very exciting journey you are making to learn who you truly are - when there isn't someone there putting you down and being otherwise mentally abusive to you. Revel in it ;o) (I know it sounds weird but, mostly it means that jackass isn't around making you feel crappy about yourself anymore - and good riddance) ;o)

Aprilynne said...

Wow, this description of what your ex had been doing to you sounds suspiciously the same as what my best friend's EX-pschyo-husband did to her. I'm glad you got out of it! I've known so many people that ended up married to freaks like that who critisize, belittle and bully their spouses, girlfriends/ boyfriends and children. I have a special contempt for those people having seen so many people I love, suffer at their hands. I echo "good riddance" and add, to bad garbage. It's good for you to be alone for a while though, to get to know yourself again. Too many times it's easy to attract the same personality over and over. Be careful out there girlie!

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you're happy. It's important to be happy on your own before you find the "right" person to share your life with, I think.

You're clearly a very strong person, and this will have only made you stronger.

Am working to complete the project for your final package. Complete with an extra ball of......

Well you'll see what they sent me soon!!

Your one skein SP

PS (I hope the swearing on the CD didn't offend. I swear like a sailor...)

Momo said...

Thanks Jessalu. I'll try to just keep that in mind ;-)

April - Thanks. I've been working on that not attracting the same personality thing. It's oneof the issues that I have been very mindful of.

SP - No way!! Not at all. There's some sailor in me as well! Thanks for the comments. :-)

Thanks to everyone. Your support is much appreciated.

ladylinoleum said...

This is wonderful to hear! May your sense of self deepen, blossom and continue down the road of discovery. Very exciting indeed!